The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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