if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They have beer where we have blood.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
