we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need a beard to bite.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
