I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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