Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
