Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
