am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
