So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize