Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
