You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
