theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
