She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize