Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
