you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Couch. On fire.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
