the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
