A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am naked and annoyed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
