Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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