You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I lost the right to judge tonight
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
