I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
