Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize