dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
