If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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