I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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