i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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