Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize