I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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