wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You are the jesus of drinking
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
