Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize