Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
