Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My ass is underappreciated
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
