normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
