I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
