One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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