Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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