I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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