oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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