38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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