...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
