ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
