I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
