Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
