If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
