I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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