Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
