No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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