So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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