I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
