U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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