he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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