Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize