I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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