In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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