I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
50% drunk capacity currently
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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