I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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