I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
