Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
