I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
