There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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