Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
