All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
