She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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