i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
