The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
