Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
