We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The adults are the big ones right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
