You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize