Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
