considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
