he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This can only be settled by a dance off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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