You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
