If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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