Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
