Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
