Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
