Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
oh god the rape fog is back!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i came on her dog
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize