So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize