I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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