2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
