You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
