Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize