he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
