new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm passing your future prison.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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