Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
