When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize