I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize