I cannot find my penis.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
