he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
