oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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