If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
