If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
