just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
