I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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